Wall St responded immediately to Wayne's 2009 budget by asking 'who?' and 'where?' Australia responded by hoping it was his swan song.

This budget was framed to fight the biggest depression in Australia since Howard and Costello. There was an encouraging first step in the 2050 plan to get the ageing population cost burden under control. Ultimately pensions will rise to one hundred thousand a year but you'll only qualify for one if you live to be a hundred and three. The introduction of paid parental leave in 2011 is actually a cunning plan to reduce baby bonuses in 2010. And the budget will inevitably result in New Zealand becoming the preferred destination for boat people.

It was surprising that Wayne banged on about nation building in his budget speech. Someone should urgently take him aside to alert him to the fact the nation has already been built and all we need from him is a bit of economic plumbing to plug the leaks and ensure we don't all go down the drain.

Wayne made no mention of working families in his speech so ending his enduring love affair and abandoning them to their fate. Rather he shrewdly concentrated on the growing number of dole-queuing families, don't give-a-flying-fart families and perpetually-pissed-and-pregnant families.

Those who expected Wayne to give John Howard a guernsey for the current economic problems were not disappointed; although to accuse him of unsustainable spending was like someone at an orgy questioning the morals of a casual affair.

Alcopops manufacturers expressed interest in sponsoring Wayne's budget. Over the past year he has given them outstanding promotional support and they confidently expect the budget will prompt a whole new dimension in binge drinking.

If Wayne is so concerned about jobs it's a wonder he doesn't consult Kevin's missus. She's put more people into jobs than the rest of the federal Labor Party put together.

There must have been profound consideration given to the size of the deficit. Wayne finally decided it should be large enough to last until the next global financial crisis due in 2016. This would eliminate mistakes made during the Costello era when the budget was allowed to drift into surplus.

There's probably no need to become unduly alarmed about Wayne's budget. No-one's got a clue about what's going to happen next in the global financial markets least of all Wayne. Based on his alcopops track record the senate wont pass his 2009 budget before 2011 by which time Barack Obama will hopefully have achieved sainthood by miraculously solving the current global financial crisis. Australia could then follow him into the promised land through a series of super stimulus budgets to become collectively known as the gospel according to Wayne.

Despite the fact that Wayne's such a wise and wonderful human being, the thought of him rabbiting on in budget speeches for years to come about how he has reduced the size of the deficit or reduced the size of its increase by standing up for Australia is really too dire to contemplate. If Barack doesn't deliver someone has to stop Wayne .wallowing in deficits or we'll start getting misty-eyed about Peter Costello. Perhaps Therese could get him a job running the Army Surplus stores.

Roger Pugh

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