Kevin Rudd was apprehensive about his US trip until Gordon Brown got out of there unscathed. This reassured him that the US policy of eliminating toxic assets did not apply to toxic bores.

Confidential White House sources have revealed that as Kevin stepped through the majestic portals he presented the president with three Chinese yuan because 'its change we can believe in'.

It was immediately apparent to viewers of the White House soap opera that Barack and Kevin had slipped seamlessly into the roles previously played by George W and John. The more perceptive, however, noticed scratches and scuffs on the White House furniture, the unmistakable calling card of the man of steel.

The immediate meeting of the minds between Barack and Kevin put the seal on a heads of government encounter which brought together two of the most powerful figures of our generation, Michelle and Therese.

During an hour's intensive discussion Barack and Kevin are understood to have developed a strategy to persuade the G-20 that China should be allowed to join the League of Anti Neo-Liberals and the Don't Mention Tibet Society. They also designed a stimulus package for presentation to other G-20 members comprising smelling salts, an ancient Chinese aphrodisiac, an AIG bonus and an Obama alarm clock which wakes you up by shouting 'yes we can'.

Barack skipped lunch because he had to check whether Timothy Geithner was a toxic asset or a toxic liability. Kevin had Chinese takeaway with Hillary who announced she was a cert for the democratic nomination in 2012 because thousands of Bill's ex-girlfriends had decided to vote for her. They were very impressed by the way she handled their affairs.

There was a stir at the start of the G-20 Summit in London when Kevin announced in English that he was representing Australia rather than China and announced in Chinese that he couldn't understand why he was constantly being connected with China.

The summit got down to business by blaming the global economic crisis on the banks, neo-liberalism and a failure to consult with China. And they asked Barack to check whether Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae were fronts for the Taliban.

They discussed a range of innovative solutions to the global economic crisis like extended credit from Mastercard, annexing Switzerland and a worldwide lottery with mind-blowing prizes like Guantanamo Bay and New Zealand. They ruled out robbing banks as pointless but thought it might be worthwhile after they get their next government handout.

The Summit's inspiring final communiqué called on China to lead the world to a new dimension in neo-liberalism.

Latest reports indicate that Kevin is recovering well from his recent bout of yellow fever and has been cleared of any implication that his trip was paid for by a Chinese businesswoman.

Roger Pugh

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